Kelvin Ha

Directed by: David Hogan
Produced by: Dark Horse Entertainment.
Cast: Pamela Anderson Lee (Barb Wire), Udo Kier (Axel)
Run Time: 97 minutes
Rating: * out of *****
Theatres: Lido, Jurong.


BARB WIRE, Pamela Anderson Lee's first foray into films, highlights the fact that her only talent lies in her silicone enhanced assets. Being the only notable member of the cast, the camera lingers lustily o n her body at every opportunity, making her character's catch line, "don't call me babe," sound very ironic indeed. From the very opening of the movie, we are treated to a striptease routine from Anderson, ending in her hurling her stiletto smack between the eyes of a lusty male who happened to call her babe. Throughout the movie, there is ample footage of enormous breasts and cleavage, if not of Anderson's, then at least of the female extras. This alone is enough to retitle the movie BABE WIRE.

For a plot, BARB WIRE rehashes the CASABLANCA storyline. It is 2017, the middle of the second American Civil War, and Barb Wire, a former resistance fighter, runs a joint in Steel Harbour called Hammerhead (!!). Known for attracting resistance fighters an d characters of all sorts, the bar attracts the attention of the government forces who appear dressed in Nazi-style uniforms. In between bashing up helpless males and showing off her trademark breasts, Barb Wire has to help a former lover and his wife get to the airport on the other side of the town, past the government-controlled areas, and to freedom. Even the airport looks like the one in CASABLANCA, except that the plane in the background is a modern, private jet.

There are hardly any significant moments in this film, and one gets the impression that it was designed for young teenagers familiar with the Dark Horse comics version of "Barb Wire." If anything, one leaves the film with the confirmation that Anderson di d not do her own stunts. Who could fight and jump in a skimpy, strapless leather top, and yet keep her breasts from spilling out? Only a stuntwoman. Not Pamela Anderson Lee.

* Wait for the video.
** A little creaky, but still better than staying at home with Gotcha!
*** Pretty good, bring a friend.
**** Amazing, potent stuff.
***** Perfection. See it twice.

Kelvin Ha has just finished a thesis on John Le Carre, and is currently a freelance actor and writer who teaches speech and drama to tide over periods of unemployment.

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