NOTES FROM A HAWKER CENTRE
Isn't the hawker centre like the greatest thing in the world? We mean it,
especially because it's one of the very fewest things this side of the
planet we can really call our own.
What do we mean? Well OK, you know about that "East versus West" business that We Asians always seem to be getting so uptight about? All that stuff about Asian Values and Western Liberalism (somewhere along the line "Western Liberalism" has come to mean everything from "People Who Don't Respect Their Elders" to "The Bastards Who Have No Morals Whatsoever)? Well here's what we think: we think we should chuck it all and promote hawker centres internationally with the same kind of vengeance we're buying up Singapore Telecom Shares.
Why? Because food in Singapore, and eating in Singapore, is an unbeatable experience. You just can't get food like this anywhere else, something
which can't really be said about too many things. But every once in awhile
we give it a go. Remember that hooha about designing a National Costume?
Recall the big stink we make about people with unnatural accents? What about attempts at projecting National "Symbols"? The merlion, the "national cat," the national flower. Sure, these are great, but how many of us really identify with a lion/fish/thing?
When it comes to history and television, we're kind of far behind The West, and in many ways, we still can't make up our minds about what we want to be. Our school systems are generally stuck with that Cambridge exam system, and the English taught in schools is the almighty British Version. "Colour" instead of "color," "biscuits" instead of "cookies," and so on. But our media, now that's a different story entirely. Our Media is getting more and more American by the minute. Look at our current affairs programmes, our "soft news" approach in things like AM Singapore, but most of all, try and name at least five British-produced dramas or sitcoms situated at popular time slots on local television. That's right, "The Bill," an everyday police drama in the U.K, takes "filler" positions on late week nights after 1am. Meanwhile, Our Youth is slurping Slurpees, scarfing down Kentucky Fried Chicken, worshipping Janet Jackson and Take That, and everybody wants to look like Jennifer Aniston.
But this isn't about we are, or what we're not. It's about what we should
be. And when it comes to originality, or individuality, we're not going to be setting any worldwide Macarena-topping trends at the moment.
What we should we doing, really, is promoting hawker centre food all over the world. Think about it: one of the main things you miss when you're away is most probably the satay, the hokkien mee or the coffeeshop coffee you can get here. You don't miss Mr Kiasu (a dubious other National Symbol to come out of pop culture) or our local sitcoms. These latter things are local *variations* of Evil Western Pop Icons (cartoons and sitcoms). The tactic to use, really, is not to vary exisiting forms of entertainment, but implement and saturate the world market with a new one. Food.
What's more, Singaporean food is an important part of our culture because *eating* is an important part of our culture. Look at our local plays: "Hokkien Mee" by Ovidia Yu uses the family recipe for Hokkien Mee as a cultural symbol that eventually unites a family. And there are so many other plays that combine art with food: "Drunken Prawns," "Six Lonely Oysters," "Pistachios and Whipped Cream," "Teochew Porridge." Even the much-trumpeted second television local sitcom is set in a restaurant.
We'll tell you something else. We don't know about Western Liberalism, but
Western Food (as my mother says with great distaste),.. well, it sucks, frankly. All limeys ever eat are fish and chips, kebabs, takeaway chinese food (read: sweet and sour pork and fried rice) and these god-awful pies with mince beefy things in them. And in America they only have Instant Rice (gasp) the kind you can boil in three minutes. In France they don't even eat until Fixed Times, and in Italy the only kind of food we can afford you have to stand up for while eating it.
Like the mass tv and popular movie culture The Ominous West has promulgated across the planet, the food that comes with it is boring. It's tasty enough, but it can't be stomached every day. So what we propose is this. A reverse form of the empirical and media imperialism that we've endured for so long: a world wide Imperialist Food Campaign, started with tons of funds from the Singapore Tourist Board. We propose that Singapore flood the worldwide market with REAL noodles (not that ramen stuff that passes for it in Certain Unnamed Countries), Goreng Pisang, Chee Cheong Fun and Ba Gua. Follow that up with heapings of Teh Tarik, Penang Curry, Durian products and Pepper Crabs.
You'll see, before long we'll really have the world at our feet, and then we can start doing the Teh Tarik Dance (note again how the expressive arts are all food-related when it comes to Singapore) and the Fish Head Curry Rock. Masses of people will really fly in to see the World Class Hawker Centre at Newton, and pay homage to the historical site of the Satay Club.
So you see, just as the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, the way towards getting world recognition is also through the world's stomach, and luckily *we're* the only ones who can make our way there. Best of all, this will work out for everyone. No longer shall hungry overseas students have to hoard and smuggle Maggee Mee across international borders. No longer will Singaporeans in the UK have to brave Wong Gei for its cheap duck rice, and no longer will the travelling Singaporean have to go hungry just because people In The West *only eat at mealtimes*. We forsee hawker centres at every corner in the world, open 24 hours, with a huge TV in the corner broadcasting TCS 8 mandarin serials (themselves a growing element in our local pop culture scene).
Finally, Food Domination will bring about a natural identification with our nation amongst Our Youth. Imagine if Mickey Rourke had balanced Kuey Peh Ti on Kim Basinger's stomach in 91/2 WEEKS instead of just fruits, or if Orson Welles had muttered "Otak" instead of "Rosebud" in CITIZEN KANE, or if The Friends drank Yeo's Natural Barley instead of Diet Coke each episode, or if Bill Huxtable of The Cosby Show's favourite food was Char Kuey Tiao instead of Hoagies. Not only would the food of Singapore be famous, Singaporeans would be famous, naturally and permanently written into the history books of the world. What shame, then, in eating wan tan mee instead of spaghetti bolognaise? Or preferring Yu Chia Kuey to french fries?
Altogether, we think it's not such a bad thing at all. What do you think?