[IMAGE MAP]

FASCINATING TV

Mufti

Suicidal TV

Last Saturday's two-hour TCS musical-cum-dope-opera could well have been any Amateur Talent Night at your local Community Centre. The problem with that diagnosis, however, would be having to pin down where the talent actually lay.

"Fascinating TV" was two of the most ridiculous hours of broadcasting our most-watched network has ever tried to pull off. And this includes the short-lived "Star For A Day." Remember that weird collection of musically abused limelight hoggers inflicting the nation with disastrous karaoke punishment as they belted out the same Talentime tunes us Singaporeans dig up over and over again when it comes to public singing contests? This was worse, because while those "stars for a day" were relatively anonymous and disappeared after a few weeks, the newfound "talents" of our TCS stars don't look like they're going to go away very soon.

Enough that TCS has continually tried to convince us that their "artistes" can act (witness the siliness of "Triple 9" and the hamminess of "Crimewatch" without their credits and see if you can tell one from the other). Now, it seems, it's trying to tell us that they can also sing. And let's not stop there. A TCS "artiste," or a "star," apparently, is not complete unless he can also dance.

The thing is, no one asked them to do it. No one asked James Lye to destroy "Lemon Tree" in a raspy, souless duet with Zoe Tay. No one asked Darryl David, Andrew Seow, Nicholas Lee and Benedict Goh (ewww, especially not Benedict Goh) to squeeze into tacky , shiny, vinyl pants and sway and stomp, with grinning idiotic verve, to that popular "Friends" ditty, now forever soiled, by The Rembrandts. After all, if public opinion counts for anything, the only TCS "artiste" who has been truly successful in his mus ical crossover seems to be Chen Hanwei, whom presenters Moses Lim and Gurmit Singh introduced as having four hit songs.

No wonder, then, that a "celebration" of two years of successful broadcasting entailed a montage of nerdy musical dance-mimes of "Samsui Woman" (with only one real Samsui Woman--Xiang Yun), "Toufu Street," "The Unbeatables," "Growing Up," and "Triple 9." Incredibly, the latter actually comprised a scowling Wong LiLin in glaring leather stepping her way around dancing thugs and pointing her gun at everyone in sight. (No *wonder* we all didn't get Triple 9. It's meant to be *danced*! No doubt "NYPD" could a lso benefit from a ballet interpretation.)

TCS' idea of celebration was also to have Irene Gan, Jamie Lee and Michelle Lee lifelessly lip-synch "Material Girl," and to group Diana Ser with Cynthia Koh and Sharon Aw (who?) in an insipid sixties rendition with three furry monstrousities that Lim and Singh called "the TCS mascots." The latter actually explains a lot.

All in all, it was an almost laughable affair. Almost, because the alternating segments about TCS' broadcasting history were sobering counterforces. The self-congratulatory tone of these sequences, combined with the uneven, propagandic attempts to link sk etches and acts by the two presenters, made the whole thing horribly hollow. And absurd.

Because TCS broadcasts 24 hours a day, Gurmit reasoned, "anyone can tune in at anytime, to any programme on TV!" he enthused. "And, as my colleages at Soongs' would say, (Moses joins in here as the he concludes with a flourish) Can I Help You?!"

Cut to yet another song-and-prance item from the cast of "Can I Help You."

UHHH?

Less confusing, and far less amusing, were efforts to plant key suggestions about the usefulness of TCS in our daily lives: while the phrase "Fascinating TV" must have been repeated at least twenty times in association with TCS, Gurmit and Moses drummed v arious ridiculous ideas into our heads:

1. There is no escape from the attraction of TV.
2. TV makes the impossible possible, because of "TV Magic."
3. "(Gurmit:)When you step into the house you must straightaway go to the TV and turn it on." "(Moses:).. is like a friend that comes to life when you turn it on."

Like, hello?!?!? Discounting the ludicrousness of these statements, aren't they just a teeny weeny bit *dangerous* to be made to an impressionable young audience? What is TCS, some kind of a cult trying to implant subconscious desires in its younger viewe rs? Repeat after mee, you *will not* watch any other network. You *don't like* Premiere 12. You *hate* educational documentaries and great, old movies. You *love* locally produced drivel. You *can't* *stop* *watching* TCS 5. Repeat after me...

It's a difficult job, being TCS, especially with reviewers like me around, who must seem determined to dislike everything it comes up with. After all, "Fascinating TV" had a few nice moments, the best two being when Gurmit and Moses tried to do the Macare na, and the centerpiece sketch with Koh Chieng Mun, Moses and Jack Neo as the distressed Madam Sang Nao Jin.

In the end, however, the self-absorbed nature of an anniversary celebration that has nothing to show for itself except for a number of badly choreographed and executed dance routines (mostly performed by the acting talent) made for an unrewarding viewing experience. And that's an honest opinion.



Mufto only watched "Fascinating TV" because he had to review it. The Flying Inkpot Rating System:
* Wait for the TV2 broadcast.
** A little creaky, but still better than staying at home with Gotcha!
*** Pretty good, bring a friend.
**** Amazing, potent stuff.
***** Perfection. See it twice.

Read InkVault current TV reviews
Other reviews by this writer can be obtained by doing a key word search with this writer's name.
Other reviews by other writers can also be obtained from the InkVault through key word searches.

Explore the Flying Inkpot

They're Alive!
Concert Reviews

Bit deadish:

Other Resources at The Flying Inkpot
Home